Thursday, February 24, 2011

The Troof About Going Down....Underwater.

Okay.  apparently the new toy of the super rich will be personal submarines.
Well... while this one might be for the super rich...

This one is for the rest of us (click link below)!

It was made by a chinese peasant out of spare parts!

WHAT A KICK ASS PEASANT.  Damn!  of course, like all chinese vehicles, this thing is probably a death trap and this guy will probably die within months.  But HELL YA!  anyone who can make a submarine out of oil barrels is a badass.  

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Valentines Music Video

Okay,  this is a little late, but this is the best Valentines song and music video in the history of Man.
The Ugly Troof Approves.

Yeah Yeah, I know.  It's a bit late... you wanted to use this song on your significant other.  Yeah, posted this a bit late...I'm a bastard... so sue me.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The Troof About 5 Hour Energy

Okay,  like most people, The Ugly Troof arrives to work as tired as a hooker on Saturday morning... being dazed, he often resorts to coffee or tea to get himself out of his zombie like stupor and become a productive human being.  After about 3 or 4 hours of coffee induced alertness, however, The Ugly Troof comes crashing down like Humpty Dumpty off his wall.

The Ugly Troof isn't a huge fan of energy drinks.  However, in the last few weeks, the radio ads for 5 Hour energy have been temping him to give it a shot.  But being a bit skeptical, The Ugly Troof did his due diligence and spent about 3 seconds searching google for reviews.

apart from a few useful tidbits, these reviews turned out to be more funny than informative... I'm talking Family guy funny.  like so funny i couldn't breath funny... or maybe they were just stupid....

Here are some of the best ones:

Example 1
Original Poster: "Well I drink them all the time... they are so bad for your heart. Every drink takes like 6 hours off your life"
Responder: "I guess you better get your will ready since you smoke and drink 5hrs, because if your calculations are correct you have about 3 days to live! I swear, your parents shouldn't have been allowed to breed."

Example 2
i had some of that 5 hour energy stuff yesterday. I bought it at our campus convenience store. So I went back to my dorm to study biology and test this baby out! Usually I fall asleep within minutes of studying biology or not all the concepts register in my head. This 5 hour shit worked so well I understood every little detail! I was more focused than I'd been in a long ass time! I'm gonna get another little bottle today!

Example 3

Poster: I just passed away from using it 17 minutes ago. I guess it didn't work real well for me.
Responder: Amazing, high energy now and life after death in one convenient package!

The Bottle

The Results

And what would the Ugly Troof be without a picture of some hardcore "Ugly" thrown in for good measure...

Thursday, February 10, 2011

The DOUCHE-iest Music Video of all time

Okay, so everyone has probably been rick-rolled a million times with what is commonly believed to be the DOUCHE-baggiest video of all time....

everyone is wrong....

The UGLY TROOF has uncovered a video even MORE douchey than Rick Astley...

Enter.... NELSON:
watch at your own peril...

you have been warned!

Government Toilets: Back for seconds

Okay.  The Ugly Troof witnessed another one of those WTF? moments today.  This time it happened in a government agency bafroom.  Why the heck are government folks such utter... TOOLS!

So here's the rundown.

The Ugly Troof is in the bafroom taking care of bidness, when he notices a guy walk into a stall.  The "visitor" makes the obvious noises of doing a number 2... "ppppbbrrbbbttttwwwwsss"  and so on.  So the guy walks out of the stall... and then...

well, you'd think he'd leave after washing his hands...

This guy goes straight to a urinal and does a number 1. WHAT?  WHA?? What Va Farge?

Yo guy... why the F do you have to go to the urinal?  i mean, you were just sitting on the toilet.  I mean... wouldn't you... couldn't you have just taken a wizz while.... i mean, don't most people kill two birds with one stone when they are on the toilet?

Can you even imagine something so absurd going on outside the US Government?

I mean, dude, never mind that your double trouble method is utterly inefficient... It's just freakin weird!
I guess being inefficient has even crept down to the basest functions of the average government monkey.

God help us...

Friday, February 4, 2011

VW PASSAT Joins the Dark Side of the Force!

You may not know that the Ugly Troof was a VW Fan Boy until this year, when VW defiled themselves by releasing the 2011 Jetta and a 2011 Passat that is as ugly as a FAT DC Chick wearing stretch pants and a tank top. 

However,  they have redeemed themselves slightly with this SUPER RAD commercial featuring Darth "Mini Me" Vader and the FORCE!

Check It!

This commercial is the best commercial I've seen so far this year.  Striking a chord with Vader fans all over the world.  However,  it makes ad mistake numero uno.  It fails to convey any message as to why the new Passat would be a good purchase compared to any other automobile... and THAT my friends, is the UGLY TROOF.

They must have had an Ad budget the size of Texas to pull this one off.  I hope they are able to sell cars as a result of this, but I do not think it will translate into sales.

VW's Passat was the near luxy sedan that stood above the camry/accord, but below the luxury name plates with regard to prestige, but they decided to lower themselves in order to take market share from camry and accord.  This will alienate a majority of repeat VW buyers and will not motivate Honda/Toyota buyers to buy a VW.  

VW has completely misread why people bought VWs.  SEE, people bought VWs because of how the car drove.  It was all about the feel of driving.  Sure they were more expensive to maintain and weren't as reliable, but the buyers sought something only VW could offer.... a car for drivers.

People by Toyotas and Hondas for a totally different reason.  These people don't care about tight euro-handling. they care about reliable point a to b transportation.  These people will repeatedly buy these honda/toyota products because of this.  If VW thinks it can succeed in the "vanilla car" market, they are gravely mistaken.  No Honda or Toyota driver will give up their ugly but reliable box to drive an equally ugly and less reliable box.  VW has messed with their forumula.  "Their faith in this new market will be their own undoing!" (said with emperor's voice).

Thursday, January 27, 2011

"premake" trailer: Iup/I re-imagined as a 1960s live-action disney movie | angry asian man

"premake" trailer: Iup/I re-imagined as a 1960s live-action disney movie | angry asian man

here's the original post from Angry Asian Man

UP! Live Action!

A few months ago, The Ugly Troof watched "UP!" on Netflix/XBOX Live.  And The Ugly Troof gave the movie a solid 2 Fumbs up!  Yesterday, The Ugly Troof found this on the blog of "Angry Asian Man".  It's a retro live action trailer for the Movie UP!.





Check it:

But that's not all, this creative Youtuber has made many retro movie trailers such as:

The Empire Strikes Back (1950)

Ghost Busters (1950)

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1951)

And a more.  Check it oot!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Federal Government FAIL!

The Federal Government creates ANOTHER disaster!

The stupid government tells its employees and consultants they can leave 2 hours early.  So as to avoid an EPIC SNOW STORM. So everyone piles on the freeway at 3:00 PM and earlier.  The problem?  THE STORM HITS IN THE MIDDLE OF RUSH HOUR!!!!

The Federal Government yet again miscalculates.  I know exactly what they were thinking. They were thinking that if the storm comes at 4, then we should let people leave at 3.  Well the problem with that is, if you let people leave at 3, YOU SHOULD EXPECT AT LEAST 3 HOURS OF TRAFFIC! normal rush hour in DC is from about 4 to 7.  So you should estimate that traffic will die down at around 6!

But NOOOOO.  As the first wave of the traffic gets mired in snow, each subsequent wave is further compacted by the stopped cars from the previous wave!

If you know the storm of the century is coming that day, have people stay FREAKIN HOME!!!!  If they forecasters say that the snow will start in the late afternoon (4 to 5), then FREAKIN LET PEOPLE OUT BY 1!!!!

Stupid bunch of freakin morons!  No wonder this country is 14 Trillion in the whole!

Luckily The Ugly Troof drives a german car with excellent electronic stability programming... which kept his car going while the other cars on the road were pulled off to the side - unable to move in the snow, spun out, or crashed in to various things.

I didn't take the pick below, but this gives you an idea of the shiz i saw driving home.  except the roads were utterly clogged with cars in reality while the picture shows just a few cars.

The Fashion Show FAIL!!!!

The Ugly Troof is not gay.  But, The Ugly Troof is a friend to fashionistas everywhere. The Ugly Troof's other half (Mrs. The Ugly Troof) has been watching "The Fashion Show" lately, so The Ugly Troof has been semi watching as well. Yesterday was the finale.  The Finale was a FAIL.  why you ask?

Because this man:
Calvin Tran LOST!

And this man:
Jeffrey Dahmer... er I mean, Jeffrey Williams WON!

Well, what's wrong with that you ask!  Well here's what's wrong with that!

Calvin is an A-hole.  everyone knows that.  BUT he's a talented A-hole who makes high end looking clothes. They all have a style that is apparent in all his pieces.  His wacked out vietnamese accent and his confrontational personality was the only reason this show was even a little entertaining!

Jeffrey on the other hand makes hit or miss fashions.  his pieces are sometimes FAB and sometimes meh.  they don't seem to have a uniform theme!  He's a nice guy.  who can dislike that right?  Well, yesterday he went with the same old sob-story spiel that we've seen dozens of times on 3 dozen other reality shows.  waahhhh!  so sad... so sorrry...  He designed his piece for his dead mom.  ohhhh.  how sweet!  sure, but was it fabulous enough to beat Calvin's consistently armani and versace looking clothes?  I don't think so.  I mean, Calvins stuff could be on store shelves in high end stores today and sell like hotcakes.  Jeff's?  I don't think so.  

And my other big gripe was the freakin Judges.  the guest judge was Mary J Blidge.  WTF?  Is she supposed to be some fashion icon?  no.  she's just a singer from Yonkers, NY!  I mean... she's an AWESOME singer, but she's not a fashion expert.  

Mary went goo goo ga ga over one of Jeff's pieces.  and I think that's why he won (speculation, but who knows right?).  but why should her input have any weight at all?  She's a singer.

FAIL.  If I had to ask one of these designers to make me a killer outfit, it would be Calvin, not this Jeff guy.

Also, Calvin makes his stuff fast.  he already knows what to do.  he has fashion wired into his mind.  Jeff on the other hand has this tortured road to produce anything.  Just not as fast thinking or as innately creative as Calvin.

Anyway.  there you go.  the Fashion Show.  Disappointed!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

More Kpop!

I just had to post this one to show you how freakin awesome GD and TOP from the Kpop group BIGBANG are.

These guys are masters of the art.  FIERCE.  This track is funky to the max and funny at the same time

Here it is:

The Ugly Troof LOVES K-POP (Korean Pop)

The Ugly Troof LOVES K-pop.  Korean music is the shiznitz of all Asian musak!

Found this trolling on Perez.  Hey, don't hate, he has some good kpop on there sometimes, so I sign on to search it out from time to time.  I already know most of the stuff he posts, but I wasn't familiar with this one... although I may have seen it in passing:

All I gotta say is that Korean chicks are the hottest on the planet.  This chick is smokin' hot!  check it:
Let me know what you think.  I got tons o kpop I can post

Monday, January 24, 2011

I HATE the Soul Patch Goatee Guy

Geico has the Gecko... a likable cute green guy... nice working class accent.  brilliant advertising. on the other hand has this smug red headed geeky claymation guy with a SOUL PATCH!  I FREAKIN WANT TO RIP OUT MY EYES every time I see that stinkin commercial!!!

I hate the way his eyes look when he's acting smug.  partially closed eyes, ugly carrot colored soul patch... and that ANNOYING TONE!  you know what I mean.  when people nowadays say... something like...

"Golden"  with this drawn out accent on the first syllable and an intonation that goes up towards the end.  For instance.  "if you make it past this next step you're..(pause) gOLdennnn"  I freakin hate that!  I hate this guy more than Flo from the progressive commercials!!!

And why the hell is his hair curly?  and why does he have freakin long side burns?  It's like thinks they are being "hip" or "current" by using this guy as their spokesclown.

Let's find this ridiculous claymation guy and chop his little soul patch off and glue it to his ass crack!  AHHH.
Who else hates this guy too?  If you hate this soul patch guy, leave a comment. =)  heh heh.

Federal Workers: The Larval Stage

Okay, so we've seen them milling around by the mall, shuffling through the comic books at the local used book store.  They are geeks.  Poorly dressed, overweight, not too bright, socially awkward... need I say more?  no?... wrong!  YES!
The most important categorization of these poor souls is not "geek". Nay... it is far more sinister! For though they are awkward students, today... tomorrow, they will become FEDERAL EMPLOYEES!

They are not just merely geeks.  Their true identity is that of a Larval Federal Employees!  Yes, these social outcasts are merely the young of the breed.  nourished and groomed by their federal employee parents to become the next generation of federal employees! Feast your eyes, on these specimens my friends...  the Troof shall set you free!

Tandoori Oven Version 2

As soon as I finished the last post, and even EASIER tandoori oven idea popped into my mind.

Take a ceramic flower pot, turn it side ways and place it in your oven on an oven rack.  bolster it with a brick on each side so it can't roll around.

Crank the oven up and let it heat up the clay.  Next, take your dough and put it in the flower put and close the oven door.  presto.  a tandoori oven.  and super easy too!

Building a Tandoori Oven at Home? My Idea and Suggestions Anyone?

So I had this crazy Idea for making your own tandoori oven.

I saw someone had made a tandoori oven out of a garbage can and a flower pot.  which is all great.  but he cut stuff up, added pipes and did all sort of stuff that would be way too hard for the average joe! My Idea?  get a metal garbage, probably one that is pretty small.  perhaps like this:

add some dirt and top the dirt with some bricks to make the bottom flat.
put in a ceramic flower pot like this one:
Now take a metal lid from a household pot, and put it on the flower pot (or you can use any lid that won't melt and will retain heat).

Next, start up some coals.  When they are pretty hot, poor the coals in the garbage so that the pot is surrounded by hot coals.  make sure to take some tongs and push the coals off the lid. once the sides of the oven are pretty hot, take your bread dough and smack it on the inside wall of your tandoori oven, close the flower pot lid and partially close the garbage can lid, you don't want to close it all the way, as you want the smoke to escape and let it cook.

Presto!  there you have it!

Super Secret BBQ!! For Apt or Condo Dwellers with a Balcony.


Okay guys,  many of you live in apartments, condos, etc where you can't have bbqs (gas or coal) outside on your balcony... even though you have gas stoves (isn't there something weird about that?).

Anyway here's how you can get around this limitation.  well, i'm not advocating you do this, but I'm just putting this out here as an informational little tid bit.

To do this you will need:

A  large deep frying pan like:

2 disposable tin oven trays (i find 9 by 9 trays work pretty well):

Some sort of metal grate (make sure the grate is slightly larger than the tray but smaller than the large pan). a toaster oven tray works pretty well:

and Charcoal.

So here are the steps:

  1. Put one disposable aluminum tray inside the other (so you have a two layered tray)
  2. Put charcoal in the tray so that it is nicely covering the tray.  You want one layer of charcoal, but you want it packed pretty tightly.
  3. Once you have it arranged, put the tray with the charcoal into you large pan.  the walls of the pan should act as a sort of heat protection.
  4. Next, OPEN YOUR WINDOWS!!!! and turn on your gas range. Chances are the range top look slike:

    If it does, great! take the charcoal piece by piece, and balance them on the metal pot, pan support stand things.  you know those thick wire looking things you put your pan on that are betwen the pan and the fire from your stove... I like to use chopsticks for this task, because you can keep a safe distance from the fire while being able to fine tune the positioning of each piece of charcoal on the grate/pan support thingies with impunity.  If you're a moron and can't use chopsticks, then use metal tongs. Give them a minute or two and flip them over (the charcoal).  Once each piece is slightly ignited, place  it back in the disposable aluminum oven tray.  you can do about four pieces of charcoal at a time and it will take about 10 minutes total to ignite all your coals.  The best part about doing this is that there is no smoke produced.
  5. Once you are done with this step, you should have an aluminum tray with hot coals on it.  you will be able to feel the heat!  Well, because this whole set up is actually placed in a large pan, it is easy to move around and fairly safe.
  6. Next take your pan outside on to your balcony and place it on whatever table or stool or whatever you have out there.
  7. Next, take the metal grate/oven tray and put it on the charcoal filled aluminum tray
  8. You are now ready to bbq!  fan the coals as needed and partially cover the pan in aluminum foil to keep in some heat and add a smokey flavor if you want!
So far, we have done souvlaki, tomatoes, bread, octopus, etc this way. works great!  It doesn't create a huge amount of smoke.  It is in a pan, so it looks to you neighbors like you just have some awesome smelling thing in a pan outside and are cooking in a pan...

Happy BBQing!  The Super Secret WAY!!!

Sunday, January 23, 2011


Dinner at the house of The Ugly Troof.

Yes, we eat like we have a personal chef.  even though all we have is a little midget with only one arm dressed like a garden gnome who doesn't know how to cook.

On the menu?  Grilled Octopus, roasted peppers, and Pan con Tomate... and a side of Tzatziki sauce.  Everything made from scratch.  At home.

Ugly Federal Workers

Okay,  so you move to DC from Cali... or NYC... or somewhere.  You take the metro into the city every morning...  you look around and you notice.  DAMN!  these people are FAT!... and they look like someone smacked them with an ugly stick... AND a "what not to wear" stick at the same time!  They are the fattest, worst dressed, ugliest white collar workers you have ever seen.  You get to your job working with these feds as an outside consultant... and you realize.  DAMN these guys suck.  they are like the C-team! They are slow and don't care about doing a good job.  they just want to do their work and retire off the tax payers dime after 20 years!

You try to formulate a theory as to WHY and HOW so much ugliness, fatness, unfashionable-ness, and utter incompetence can be concentrated in the same place.  but no matter how hard you think, you can't get your head around it!

Well, never fear.  The Ugly Troof has the answer for you!

It's all based on the adage "Birds of a feather flock together"...

See basically, these feds were at one point just ordinary people at non-fed jobs.  but they were uglier than their peers... fatter than their peers... and had 150% less fashion sense then their peers... and sucked at what they did! They felt somehow different.  somehow... out of place.  like they didn't fit in. you know,  like a yugo feels when it's hanging around aston martins.

Anyhow, across the river... they saw a few fat, ugly, horribly dressed things milling about, shuffling paper and otherwise wasting their time and tax payer money.  These were the proto-bureaucrats.  the original automatons working government jobs.

These outcasts of corporate america thought to themselves "if i could just get across the river, i could find some happiness!".... so they started making their trek...
they came by the hundreds... nay... thousands!  they weaseled their way into all sorts of federal jobs.  indeed. the most senior of their kind began inventing NEW Bureaus to let even more of these outcasts of society find their nirvana!

Soon, the Federal government was stacked 1000000 deep in these 3rd rate money wasting, fat assed, smelly, ugly, horribly dressed neanderthals!

And we have come full circle.  every morning each of these sorry creatures rises from the primordial soup of their suburban existence to climb aboard metros in order to head to their daily promised land.

A place where they will not be ridiculed for being stupider, ugly, and fatter than everyone else!  and horribly dressed too, can't forget that one!

A place they too... can call home!

Quantitative Easing Explained

This is why we need smaller government...

There are two certainties in life.
1) You will die some day
2) The US Government will screw something up.

It's me! Balls Dick!

The Terrorist, Najibullah Zazi's name in Korean sounds just like "It's Me, Balls Dick" or "It's me Testicle Penis" PUHAHAHA! I gotta find more funny terrorist names out there:

The Ugly Troof Volume 10

If you're soooo fat that you can hold your cellphone against your ear by sliding it between your shoulder fat and neck fat.... without raising your got some major issues. well actually. i'm not sure if this is a fail. it could be a win. i mean... it's a free handsfree headset, right

The Ugly Troof Volume 9

The Ugly Troof Volume 8: Mustaches on Indian men. No. don't do it. Let's be honest. Every time you see a mustache on an Indian guy (dot not feather) he's a fob ("fresh of the boat" for you gringos). I'm not just pulling this out of my ass guys. I actually had the nerve to go up to an indian programmer once and just be frank.

Me: "so... how long have you had the mustache".
Indian Programmer (IP) in a strong hyderabad accent: "I've had it for 3 years".
Me: "So why did you decide to grow a mustache"
IP: "I thought it would make me look cool".
Me: "So do you think you look cool with the mustache?
IP: "Yes, I think it makes me look cool"
Me: "So...... um... you like that mustache, eh?"
IP: "Yes, I like it".
Me: "I see.... "

I mean, this guy, let's just call him Ravi... oops, that was his real name. now you know and i'm too lazy to press back space.... anyway, this guy Ravi thought it looked cool! But man Ravi! That think does not look cool! it's a chick repellent Ravi. It's as much a repellent as the Indian fobs who use powder instead of deodorant (if not more!). come on. you Desis know exactly what I'm talkin' bout! So here's a tip to the Indian fobs out there. Kill the 'stache man! Kill it, burn it! call down a curse from the Indian elephant multi armed god guy... or whatever. but the 'stache must go! This is not a Bollywood movie from the 80s where every action hero worth his salt has a mustache! It's America. Okay, bring your wealth of Tech knowledge over here. start a business. grow the economy. but please. please... leave the mustache back in the old country... =)

I mean, is it any wonder that when you type in "Indian FOB" (Fresh Off the Boat - just arrived from the old country)  into google, you get a picture of this fine fellow:

heh heh.

The Ugly Troof Volume 8

Okay this ones for all the Asian guys out there. Look. Asian guys and moustaches just don't mix! I know we asian's look young and stuff. and I know the western media emasculates us... but damn bra! growin' a moustach! is not the solution man! Have you ever seen an Asian guy looking "cool" with a moustache? come on. It just makes you look dirty. I mean, this guy: 

The Ugly Troof Volume 7 (Goatee Edition)

Hey Bald men. Before you grow your goatee, please understand the following: growing hair on your face doesn't cover the baldness on your head! Geesh! is it supposed to be like a slight of hand trick to misdirect our attention to where the hair actually is? come on. you're not fooling anyone man. embrace the dome.

The Ugly Troof Volume 6 (Comb-over Edition)

 Bald men with comb overs need to realize that they are not hiding their baldness. They are advertising it. I mean, if you're growing out your side burns so long that you can comb them back over your head, there is something seriously wrong!

one wing come over

chinese "just about to puke" comb over

cold weather gear comb over

back facing comb over

sporty comb over

70s comb over

gansta comb over (and free underbite at no extra charge!)

Colin Farrell comb over

Sci-Fi comb over

Cartoon Comb over

"Prime example" comb over

Front facing combover

Political comb over
Beauty and the Comb Over


BAD ASS Anti comb over space captain!

The Ugly Troof Volume 5

Fat women think they are hiding their fat by wearing a shawl over their arms and sleeveless dress. This is most prominent for "fat" brides. I know this sounds mean, but come on, you're not hiding anything. You're merely advertising your fatness! come on, you all know what i'm talkin' bout.

The Ugly Troof Volume 4

Men with no chin due to the sagging of their chin/neck INVARIABLY grow a beard to make a fake chin or to hide their neck chin. I mean, WTF! it's like a neck/chin version of a comb-over! The most prominent example of this is George Lucas. But come on... we see these chest chin (chins that grow straight into the chest) all the time don't we.


The Ugly Troof Volume 3

It's a certainty that parents profile pics are always of their kids, unless the kids are too ugly, then it's of the kid in a halloween costume that obscures the face. =)

The Ugly Troof Volume 2

Another Eternal Troof: If you are toooo ugly and fat for any profile pic. I mean so much so that you can't use the "only show my face" technique or the lame "i'll post a picture with my pretty friend" technique, you will post a picture of a flower, or puppy, or a silhouette of you or someone else in a field. Let's not kid ourselves people i know you've noticed this too!

The Ugly Troof Volume 1

Okay,  I had these on FB, but I'm putting these on my blog, so you guys can find these easily and laugh at my witty observant streak or writhe in anger at my brazen dis-concern for ugly folks emotion... =) heh.
Anyway,  volume 1:

An immutable truth: When you come across a girl's Facebook/Myspace/etc profile and the picture shows two girls, it is a 100% certainty that the profile belongs to the uglier girl in the picture. WHY THE HELL DO YOU GIRLS DO THIS?? Do you think you're tricking everyone into thinking you're hot by showing yourselves with some hot girl? It does not make you look prettier by standing next to a pretty girl. 

The Troof, The whole Troof, and nothing but the Troof!

So I was basically using Facebook as a sort of defacto blog; posting interesting and entertaining tidbits on my wall.  Why blog when it's easier to just throw something up on FB?  Long story short, after months of prodding by fans of my FB posts, I decided to throw in the towel and try this blogging thing. So here it is.   Hello.  The Troof, the whole Troof, and nothing but the Troof.  The Ugly Troof.