Thursday, February 24, 2011

The Troof About Going Down....Underwater.

Okay.  apparently the new toy of the super rich will be personal submarines.
Well... while this one might be for the super rich...

This one is for the rest of us (click link below)!

It was made by a chinese peasant out of spare parts!

WHAT A KICK ASS PEASANT.  Damn!  of course, like all chinese vehicles, this thing is probably a death trap and this guy will probably die within months.  But HELL YA!  anyone who can make a submarine out of oil barrels is a badass.  

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Valentines Music Video

Okay,  this is a little late, but this is the best Valentines song and music video in the history of Man.
The Ugly Troof Approves.

Yeah Yeah, I know.  It's a bit late... you wanted to use this song on your significant other.  Yeah, posted this a bit late...I'm a bastard... so sue me.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The Troof About 5 Hour Energy

Okay,  like most people, The Ugly Troof arrives to work as tired as a hooker on Saturday morning... being dazed, he often resorts to coffee or tea to get himself out of his zombie like stupor and become a productive human being.  After about 3 or 4 hours of coffee induced alertness, however, The Ugly Troof comes crashing down like Humpty Dumpty off his wall.

The Ugly Troof isn't a huge fan of energy drinks.  However, in the last few weeks, the radio ads for 5 Hour energy have been temping him to give it a shot.  But being a bit skeptical, The Ugly Troof did his due diligence and spent about 3 seconds searching google for reviews.

apart from a few useful tidbits, these reviews turned out to be more funny than informative... I'm talking Family guy funny.  like so funny i couldn't breath funny... or maybe they were just stupid....

Here are some of the best ones:

Example 1
Original Poster: "Well I drink them all the time... they are so bad for your heart. Every drink takes like 6 hours off your life"
Responder: "I guess you better get your will ready since you smoke and drink 5hrs, because if your calculations are correct you have about 3 days to live! I swear, your parents shouldn't have been allowed to breed."

Example 2
i had some of that 5 hour energy stuff yesterday. I bought it at our campus convenience store. So I went back to my dorm to study biology and test this baby out! Usually I fall asleep within minutes of studying biology or not all the concepts register in my head. This 5 hour shit worked so well I understood every little detail! I was more focused than I'd been in a long ass time! I'm gonna get another little bottle today!

Example 3

Poster: I just passed away from using it 17 minutes ago. I guess it didn't work real well for me.
Responder: Amazing, high energy now and life after death in one convenient package!

The Bottle

The Results

And what would the Ugly Troof be without a picture of some hardcore "Ugly" thrown in for good measure...

Thursday, February 10, 2011

The DOUCHE-iest Music Video of all time

Okay, so everyone has probably been rick-rolled a million times with what is commonly believed to be the DOUCHE-baggiest video of all time....

everyone is wrong....

The UGLY TROOF has uncovered a video even MORE douchey than Rick Astley...

Enter.... NELSON:
watch at your own peril...

you have been warned!

Government Toilets: Back for seconds

Okay.  The Ugly Troof witnessed another one of those WTF? moments today.  This time it happened in a government agency bafroom.  Why the heck are government folks such utter... TOOLS!

So here's the rundown.

The Ugly Troof is in the bafroom taking care of bidness, when he notices a guy walk into a stall.  The "visitor" makes the obvious noises of doing a number 2... "ppppbbrrbbbttttwwwwsss"  and so on.  So the guy walks out of the stall... and then...

well, you'd think he'd leave after washing his hands...

This guy goes straight to a urinal and does a number 1. WHAT?  WHA?? What Va Farge?

Yo guy... why the F do you have to go to the urinal?  i mean, you were just sitting on the toilet.  I mean... wouldn't you... couldn't you have just taken a wizz while.... i mean, don't most people kill two birds with one stone when they are on the toilet?

Can you even imagine something so absurd going on outside the US Government?

I mean, dude, never mind that your double trouble method is utterly inefficient... It's just freakin weird!
I guess being inefficient has even crept down to the basest functions of the average government monkey.

God help us...

Friday, February 4, 2011

VW PASSAT Joins the Dark Side of the Force!

You may not know that the Ugly Troof was a VW Fan Boy until this year, when VW defiled themselves by releasing the 2011 Jetta and a 2011 Passat that is as ugly as a FAT DC Chick wearing stretch pants and a tank top. 

However,  they have redeemed themselves slightly with this SUPER RAD commercial featuring Darth "Mini Me" Vader and the FORCE!

Check It!

This commercial is the best commercial I've seen so far this year.  Striking a chord with Vader fans all over the world.  However,  it makes ad mistake numero uno.  It fails to convey any message as to why the new Passat would be a good purchase compared to any other automobile... and THAT my friends, is the UGLY TROOF.

They must have had an Ad budget the size of Texas to pull this one off.  I hope they are able to sell cars as a result of this, but I do not think it will translate into sales.

VW's Passat was the near luxy sedan that stood above the camry/accord, but below the luxury name plates with regard to prestige, but they decided to lower themselves in order to take market share from camry and accord.  This will alienate a majority of repeat VW buyers and will not motivate Honda/Toyota buyers to buy a VW.  

VW has completely misread why people bought VWs.  SEE, people bought VWs because of how the car drove.  It was all about the feel of driving.  Sure they were more expensive to maintain and weren't as reliable, but the buyers sought something only VW could offer.... a car for drivers.

People by Toyotas and Hondas for a totally different reason.  These people don't care about tight euro-handling. they care about reliable point a to b transportation.  These people will repeatedly buy these honda/toyota products because of this.  If VW thinks it can succeed in the "vanilla car" market, they are gravely mistaken.  No Honda or Toyota driver will give up their ugly but reliable box to drive an equally ugly and less reliable box.  VW has messed with their forumula.  "Their faith in this new market will be their own undoing!" (said with emperor's voice).